I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
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