they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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