Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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