great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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