I woke up to her vacumming the grass
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
