don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
