I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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