So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize