...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
