I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
