just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize