Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize