Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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