ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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