your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
