is your mom at the bar?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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