You just made me feel so damn special
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
