is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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