I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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