There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
