if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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