Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
