Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
