Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
