How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
