I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need to calm my uterus...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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