She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
