She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
