despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
