we have officially lost it.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
