I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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