I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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