I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
