so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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