I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
