He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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