apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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