New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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