dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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