I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
