And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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