oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
