Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
