What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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