escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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