I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
