if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
