Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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