just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
