Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The best revenge is premature balding
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
