he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
