Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
we're so committed to being not committed
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
