I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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