Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
