my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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