wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Mom said you looked used
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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