I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
