As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
