so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
