my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
