I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
