I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
