Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
