she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
