Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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