i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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