Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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