smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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