He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
