some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
