im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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