White coat. Heels.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
