I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
