Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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